Friends, from time to time Whiggy gets approached with requests for advice on how to be cool and fit in. It’s understandable. Who else would you go to for advice other than a middle-aged man who wears a powdered wig and dresses in colonial period clothing? I mean … duh! I help where and when I can. I am, afterall, not an expert on everything.
“Whiggy, how do I get the girl?”
Answer: You don’t. Flirting, asking a girl out or looking at a girl is sexual assault and will lose you your seat in congress.
“Whiggy, what is the origins of the gods in the Iliad?”
Answer: They date back to the Mycenean Period of Greece dating to the 1200’s BC.
“Whiggy, why are liberals so dumb?”
Answer: They are not really dumb. They simply live in a fantasy world devoid of authentic relationships with reality and human understanding.
“Whiggy, how do I be a racist? Everyone else is being called a racist and I am feeling left out”
Answer: This is an excellent question. First, we must clarify the word racist. There are two definitions: the classic definition and the modern definition. The classic definition of racist according to the Oxford English dictionary is: A person who shows or feels discrimination or prejudice against people of other races, or who believes that a particular race is superior to another. Slavery, not allowing African Americans to vote, not allowing African Americans to use the same facilities as Caucasians and calling African Americans by demeaning and disrespectful names are all examples for racism and being a racist. Racism has been around for all recorded history. I suspect it first started when one group of humans came upon another group of humans who looked different from them. Classic racism has led to slavery of persons of all colors. It has lead to wars. And it has led to deep divisions within geographical cultures. Racism is real. Racism has always been real. And, unfortunately, racism will always be real.
Classic racism is something to be taken seriously. It is not a laughing matter. Conversely, modern racism, as defined by the moral aristocracy, has become a joke. Hence this blog post. It is a word thrown around recklessly with astounding frequency. Unfortunately, it has taken focus away from true racism and diverted both energy and resources.
Modern racism, while tangentially related to the classic version, is a different concept. Modern racism is a weaponization of language meant to throttle disagreement with the philosophical pillars of the moral aristocracy.
With those two definitions in mind, let us get back to the question. Being a classic racist is pretty straight forward: just be a hateful, ignorant moron. However, I do not believe that is what my reader was asking. I believe he was asking how to a modern racist. That requires a slightly more nuanced answer.
There are five steps to being a modern racist:
- Be white. According to modern racist thought, being born white makes you at least 75% racist from the onset. It’s the moral aristocracy version of Original Sin. If you are white, you are responsible for the sins of ancestors.
“Whiggy, can people who are not white be racist?” you ask.
Good question. In the United States, modern racists orthodoxy would say no. A person who is not white cannot be racist. My African American friends cannot be racist because they are victims of what their ancestors suffered and are, therefore, just evening the scales. There are exceptions to this that I will describe later. My Hispanic friends also cannot be racist. I am not sure why but I think its because they are a minority portion of American society and only those in the majority can be racists. I will have to put a team of investigators on it. My Asian friends also cannot be racist despite the light color of their skin. I have a team of investigators on that already.
- Be a Republican or right-leaning independent. Loosely translated into the language of the moral aristocracy, Republican means “Evil racist”. A democrat cannot, by definition, be racist. Interestingly, being a Republican also changes the color of your skin. The orthodoxy of modern racism states that any African American who choses to be a Republican, instantly becomes white. Therefore, in an exception to #1, that person becomes a racist.
“But Whiggy,” you ask “What about the history of the Democratic Party? Doesn’t that matter?”
Silly, ignorant, racist reader. History does not matter when it doesn’t fit the current mythology espoused by the moral aristocracy. Sure, it was the Democrats that most supported slavery. Sure, it was the Democrats that made it their platform to have majority rule regardless of trampling on the rights of the minority. Sure, it was the Democrats that counted black slaves as 3/5 of a person. Sure, it was the Democrats that systematically wiped out the Native Americans. Sure, it was the Democrats that opposed civil rights. Sure, it was the Democrats that supported segregation. Sure, it is the Democrats that support a system that makes people of lower means increasingly reliant on the government for survival. All those things are true, but none of those things matter. History has not be revised, it has been ignored. My friends, those in the moral aristocracy cannot be and have never been racist for one reason and one reason only: Because they say so.
- Support law enforcement. According to modern racism orthodoxy, all law enforcement is, at its core, racist. In fact, it could be argued that all laws are racist because they disproportionally enforced.
“But Whiggy, aren’t laws in place to make everyone safe?”
No, that’s racist. The moral aristocracy clearly states that all laws were put in place by white men to keep all non-whites down. Remember, you are required by the rules of the moral aristocracy to ignore all of history and the previous laws passed by democrats. Laws are disproportionally enforced on African Americans and Hispanics. Period. End of story. Therefore, if you support law enforcement, you are supporting racism and are, thus, a racist.
“But Whiggy, aren’t the laws also disproportionally broken by …”
Stop it! That’s using logic. Using logic is racist.
- Support or Not Support African American or Hispanic artistic expressions (Republican Only Rule). It is cultural appropriation to like or create and artistic expression from any race other than your own. Cultural appropriation is racist. Likewise, it is racist to not like and support the cultural expressions of races other than your own. It shows you are close-minded and you hate anything non-white.
“But Whiggy, that makes no sense!”
Hey! Stop being racist. The moral aristocracy has said it, therefore it is so. Oh, I forgot to add one more piece. It is racist not to invest in traditionally African American or Hispanic neighborhoods. Not investing clearly shows you want to keep them down. Investing in the same neighborhoods is also racist. It leads to gentrification. Gentrification is racist.
- Disagree with a liberal … about anything.
“Ok Whiggy, now you are just sounding crazy.”
The moral aristocracy has deemed that anyone who disagrees with their orthodoxy is a racist. This extends to any disagreement with a liberal. Read the news. If you voted for Trump, you are a racist. If you support tax reform, you are a racist. If you make Chuck Schumer cry, you are a racist.
Try it yourself. Talk to a liberal … about anything. Ask them for their opinion on a subject as far away from a race issue as you can find. There is a 96.7% chance they will call you a racist within 7 minutes. Go ahead try it. It’ll be fun. Then you will be called a racist just like everyone else who does not bow to the moral aristocracy.
So, there you have it: 5 easy steps to being a racist. And remember, Whiggy is always here for advice!
Happy racism!