Satanic Stilettos of Supremacy

It is time for a coup d’état! Finally, things have gone too far! I looked away when Trump colluded directly with Putin, while riding naked  on horseback with him, to steal the 2016 election. I turned a blind eye when Trump hacked the DNC from his own cell phone. I ignored the burn when he and his Nazi minions used mind control to get Debbie Wasserman Shultz (and every other democrat) to sabotage Bernie Sanders. I turned the other cheek when Trump got a second scoop of ice cream. I even grudgingly accepted his racist rant about unity and finding all violence abhorrent. But this I cannot forgive. I have no further capacity for tolerance. No one has ever been so anti-American! I mean seriously, did you see Melania’s shoes!

I am personally in the debt to The New York Times, USA Today, Vogue, Vanity Fair and Daily News for their brave coverage of this pivotal subject. I, in all my ignorance, thought the devastation of Hurricane Harvey was the important story. I was naively impressed by the good-hearted Texans reaching out to help others in need. I watched as hundreds, no thousands, of people were saved from their roofs and their cars. In all my obliviousness, I missed the important story. How could I be so stupid? It is my own fault for not listening to the moral Aristocracy. I will, most assuredly, never make that mistake again.

I am not sure where I went wrong. After reading the news and following the Moral Aristocracy on Twitter I have found my way. Nine thousand people in a shelter meant for five thousand is trivial. Hundreds of thousands of Americans displaced from their homes is meaningless. Tens of billions of dollars in damage is inconsequential. Multiple deaths cannot compare to the importance of the footwear choice of the President’s wife.

I have no doubt, that if asked, the survivors of this horrific natural disaster would agree that Melania’s stilettos are the real story. Sure, they lost their shoes, clothing and, well, all their possessions, but it is Melania’s shoes that matter. Not since Marie Antoinette said, “let them eat cake” has anyone so insulted her people. No, that was kind compared to wearing those shoes on Air Force One. Perhaps a more apt comparison would be Queen “Bloody” Mary. Although, even the thousands of people she had executed pale in comparison to Melania’s Satanic Stilettos of Supremacy!

My friends, I have seen the light. Like the victims of other shoe wearing tyrants we must rise up! Have no fear, I have called Antifa and the Vagina Hat Brigade.  The torches have been lit. We will march on Washington and we will know enough to wear Birkenstocks!